Wei Fu's Essay

Communication Barrier

When women want a conversational partner, men will never be the one, at least not the good one. Different expectations make both men and women frustrated in a relationship. For example, when women just want support and understanding, men respond by dismissing the problems or arguing about the issue. When women just want a life shared and develop the closeness between them, men behave like they are not interested at all. When women just need a listener, men always forget to make some listener-noise as evidence to show that they are actually listening. When women want to discuss a topic in depth, men switch topics impatiently.

My father calls me around twice a week. Our conversation usually takes about 10 seconds. "What are you doing? Nothing. Have you eaten dinner? Yes. Anything you want to tell me? No. Bye." That's it. Lately our conversation is getting longer and longer, better and better; yet I've known we have a serious communication problem for a long time. When I was little, every time I went home rapturously and announced the good news either I got all A in exams or won the competition, my father would simply say "Ok." Right after that, I couldn't wait to tell him all the details, he would turn his back at me, stay busy, show no interest at all and totally ignore me. Therefore I hesitated. Gradually I refused to share anything with him anymore because of his rejection and ignorance. We seldom have quarrels about this communication problem, I simply keep it in mind, for he might not think there's any problem between us. It is a pity that men don't know what kind of talk women want, and women don't behave properly as men required.

Since in childhood everyone develop different organizational structures based on genders, we ought to be aware that it's hard to change this systemic differences. Instead of being offended, frustrated, and disappointed, we understand every communication difference and explain it to the opposite sex next time we start a conversation. Both men and women should adjust their behavior in order to meet the conversationalist's expectations, and of course, to have a better conversation.